Some time ago, the remniscents of a previously unknown medieval monastery was discovered in the wastelands of northern Uppland in Sweden. It turned out that the monastery had been the home of the obscure and forgotten monk order of the Dis Dordiencer brothers. Archeologicists started an excavation of the monastery ruins and it turned out that the monastery had a name, Stendova Monastery. A lot of strange things were discovered, and some history allegations regarding heavy rock music might later be subjects to change.

Among other artifacts, a stone chest containing old scrolls and partly disintegrated books was found. This writings described a monastery life that was significantly different to prior knowledge. The order that was the monasterys habitants amused themselves with heavy partys, drugs and other general mayhem that is not normally connected with monastery life.

Click here to view some strange footage, recovered from an archeologist's action cam:
Youtube clip

It turned out that the monks had played heavy music, of the type that today is known as hard rock, on what is assumed to have been mechanical amplifiers. Mechanical amplifiers allow the musicians to play extremely loud, much louder than what is possible with today's electrical amplifiers. The sound pressure that was created when the monk band played in the monastery garden created what today is known as "geothermic shockwaves", which is the same type of phenomenon that appears when an asteroid hits the earth and the impact creates concentric waveforms in the ground that could be detected millions of years later. The sound from the monk band was punched into the limestone walls of the monastery as geothermic shockwaves, and these shockwaves have been recreated using advanced X-ray equipment. The sound from the monk band A.D. 1214 could be restored, and on this foundation today's incarnation of the monk band, Pax Vobiscum, is created.

Click here to unleash some echoes from A.D. 1214, as punched into the monastery walls:
The Bells of Bloody Mary's.mp3

The songs that was recreated are now presented as below, with texts that took lingvistic experts a significant amount of time to interpret.

- The Chapel of Darkness
This song tells us what happened when a monk found an old book from Germania,
that described what could happen in an obscure little burial chapel
deep in the dark forests that covered the areas around Stendova Monastery
a long time ago.

- The Bells of Bloody Mary's
This song is about the poor female monk Mary, originally named
brother Mary. Mary's life went bad, and due to linguistic phenomenons
her name was turned into Bloody Mary. She is the one that probably
gave name to the monastery church bells of the Stendova Monastery.

- Quantum Satis
A poor monk is drinking beer alone when his brothers find him and tells him that
enough is enough, time to cheer up and go tomcat. Says the song.

- Pope likes
Rumours tell us that the pope of the time was fond of this and that, mostly that,
but no evidence is found whatsoever. Only rumours...

- Order of the Distordiencer
This song is about a passage between the two departments of our monastery linking
monks and nuns together. Oh oh. Researchers believe that the creation of this tunnel
was one parameter in the creation of a new set of monks, the mysterious
Order of the Distordiencer.

- Monastery Garden
Something bad happened in our monastery garden, unmentionable horrors
surfaced and destroyed it all, only a few lived to write a song about it.

- Jungle Nuns in Congo
This song is about a group of nuns moving down Africa, and what they became.
Only faint remains are still around regarding these events, but our
science team managed to capture what there was.

- Pater Kuno
This is a song about the malicious Pater Kuno, raiding time in a killing
spree unheard of, until now.
We will soon publish more theories on this matter.

- Pater Kuno Resurrection
Dead, buried, resurrected, dead, buried, resurrected and so on.
There is a lot to find out about this, we will soon publish more
theories on this matter.

- Monk Machine
Because of the fact that the monks seemed not to know anything
about human replication, they made up a song that described how
they thought this was handled. Or it is a song about a baking machine.
Researchers do not agree on this.

- Ghost Monk Jamboree
Even monks die, but our monks tend to return once a year to the gloomy
backyards of the Stendova monastery. One of the visitors is said to have left
information now and then how these events proceeded, do not ask how, just
accept facts and enjoy the song that these stories resulted in.

- The seventh Monk
Back in 1214 or so, there were numerous hooligans, crooks and villains all
over the place. There was a legend of a monk, described in this song, that
handled a good portion of these bad guys, and his order number was seven.
You may have a faint recognition of this, most likely due to that you have
seen one of his heirs in the movies.

- Beer Vault
This is a plain song about the medicines and substances that the Stendova
monks consumed in their leisure time, and where they consumed it. Archeologists
have found the remniscents of a stone vault that resembles our picture of a cosy
place where you drink beer after work, and most likely our monks did that too.
Luckily enough, all recipes of these substances are long lost in time.

- Hymnus Metallicus
The origins of this song is hidden amongst the mists of time. When you hear it you think of
long forgotten monasteries languishing in desolation.

- Live and Celebrate
When the holy book was translated from latin to the nordic languages
(probably some of this work was done in our monastery), one monk failed to
translate a sentence. From being a call to happy activities it became a rather tough
controlling mechanism called the celibacy. This song explains how this could happen.

- Monastery on the Wounds
The title of this song is probably a translation of a very old sentence formed
in the mythologic northern language spoken at the time before our monks came to place.
How do you else translate "Kloster på såren"?



More to come...